What is Attachment-Focused EMDR? Why do I see Attachment-Informed EMDR in the UK? How can it help me?
- phil70571
- Jan 28
- 7 min read
What is Attachment-focused EMDR?
Attachment-Focused EMDR by Laura Parnell: A Brief Overview
Attachment-Focused EMDR is a specialised approach developed by Dr. Laura Parnell, combining the principles of Attachment Theory with the techniques of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to treat trauma and attachment wounds. This approach recognises that early attachment disruptions (such as neglect, abandonment, or inconsistent caregiving) play a central role in shaping how individuals respond to stress, relationships, and emotional regulation throughout their lives.
Dr. Parnell’s model emphasises that trauma is often relational in nature, particularly stemming from early attachment experiences with caregivers. These attachment wounds can lead to issues like difficulty trusting others, feelings of abandonment or rejection, and challenges in emotional regulation. Attachment-Focused EMDR integrates the EMDR protocol with a deeper focus on healing the attachment system to address both trauma and attachment-related issues simultaneously.
Attachment-Informed EMDR (aiEMDR): Integrating Attachment Theory with EMDR Therapy
aiEMDR has evolved out of Laura Parnell’s model and this has been developed in the UK by Mark Brayne who has carried forward Laura Parnell’s work. Mark would argue that as human’s we are survival focused and that our attachment relationships are key and that when there are ruptures, we as humans are threat and survival focused in our efforts to manage this.
In my clinical practice I will often use aiEMDR to help clients with anxiety and depression and to work on older patterns of coping and it can be enlightening to see what memories clients “drop” back to when we examine the links between current problems and older ways of coping. Just making these links can be a powerful way to reduce the blame and shame that they may be feeling in the present. “No wonder you are reacting this way when this happened in the past”!
Below I will discuss more about attachment-informed EMDR and what it involves, and how it could help you with anxiety or depression.
Attachment-informed EMDR is a specialised approach that integrates attachment theory principles with the traditional EMDR protocol. The aim is to not only process traumatic memories but also address underlying attachment issues that may contribute to or exacerbate emotional distress. This approach recognises that many emotional problems stem from insecure or disrupted attachment experiences in childhood, such as neglect, abandonment, emotional unavailability, or abuse by primary caregivers.
Understanding Attachment Theory
Attachment theory was originally developed by British psychologist John Bowlby in the mid-20th century. It focuses on the bonds formed between infants and their caregivers and how these early attachments influence emotional and psychological development throughout life.
Secure Attachment: When a child’s needs are met consistently and reliably by caregivers, they develop a sense of safety and trust, which supports healthy emotional development and relationships.
Insecure Attachment: When caregivers are inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive, the child may develop insecure attachment styles. These include:
Anxious Attachment: Characterised by a deep fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance.
Avoidant Attachment: A coping mechanism in which the individual learns to suppress emotions and avoid close relationships to prevent rejection or emotional pain.
Disorganised Attachment: A combination of anxious and avoidant behaviours, typically resulting from traumatic or unpredictable caregiving.
Bowlby believed that disruptions in early attachment relationships can lead to emotional struggles, difficulties in forming healthy relationships, and vulnerabilities to trauma later in life.
Attachment theory is a popular topic on social media such as Facebook and Instagram and there are many articles on what attachment style you are, or what style people in your life may be…. but there is often little information on what to do next!
Keep reading below for further information on how aiEMDR can help.
How Attachment-Informed EMDR Works
Attachment-informed EMDR blends the principles of attachment theory with the structured protocols of EMDR to help individuals heal from both trauma and attachment wounds. Here’s how it works:
1. Recognising the Role of Attachment in Trauma
In traditional EMDR, I would focus on traumatic memories or distressing experiences, using bilateral stimulation (usually through eye movements) to help the brain reprocess these memories in a less distressing way. Attachment-informed EMDR takes it a step further by acknowledging that many traumatic experiences are rooted in early attachment disruptions.
For example, if a person experienced emotional neglect or abandonment by a primary caregiver in childhood, these experiences might not just manifest as isolated memories of emotional pain but as ongoing patterns of difficulty in relationships, trust, and emotional regulation. Attachment-informed EMDR seeks to identify these underlying attachment issues and process them alongside the traumatic memories.
2. Creating a Safe Therapeutic Environment
The therapeutic relationship in attachment-informed EMDR is key. Attachment theory emphasises the importance of a secure, trusting bond between the therapist and client. In EMDR, this bond is essential for the client to feel safe enough to process distressing memories. The therapist is attuned to the client’s emotional state, offering consistent support, validation, and safety. I will often integrate elements from Internal Family Systems Therapy and Schema Therapy to help as this relationship is what enables change.
For clients with attachment trauma (such as a history of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving), I will often will work on establishing a secure base within the therapeutic relationship before moving into deeper trauma processing but this pace can be guided by the client. This is especially crucial for individuals with insecure attachment patterns, who may have difficulty trusting others.
3. Reprocessing Traumatic and Attachment-related Memories
During the EMDR process, clients are guided to focus on specific distressing memories, while bilateral stimulation is used to facilitate the processing of these memories. In attachment-informed EMDR, I will work to reframe negative beliefs and patterns that may arise from attachment wounds.
For example, a person with an anxious attachment style may struggle with chronic feelings of abandonment or fear of rejection. As part of EMDR, I can help the client identify how these attachment wounds show up in current relationships and distressing memories, and then works on processing those memories to replace the negative core belief (e.g., "I am not lovable" or "I will always be abandoned") with more adaptive, healthy beliefs.
Similarly, someone with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty trusting others or allowing themselves to be vulnerable. I can guide the client through processing memories of emotional neglect or rejection and then work on developing healthier ways of relating to others.
The bilateral stimulation used in EMDR helps the brain integrate the painful memories, reducing their emotional charge and allowing the individual to reframe these experiences. Over time, this process can help the individual develop healthier beliefs about themselves and their ability to form secure, trusting relationships.
4. Attachment Reparative Work
A key component of attachment-informed EMDR is the focus on attachment reparative work. This involves helping the client to build new, healthier internal representations of relationships and self-worth. For instance, EMDR can guide clients to reprocess memories with past caregivers or significant figures, replacing those memories with a more supportive, nurturing inner figure or even a "reparenting" experience.
For individuals with severe attachment wounds, I will often introduce resource figures to help clients access positive attachment figures (whether real or imagined) to replace the unhealthy internalised images of caregivers. This can help clients feel more secure in relationships and more capable of emotional regulation.
5. Integration and Adaptive Processing
Ultimately, the goal of attachment-informed EMDR is to help individuals integrate their attachment history into their present-day experience in a way that fosters emotional resilience, security, and healthier relationships. Over time, clients are expected to develop more secure attachment patterns, leading to improvements in self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, and emotional regulation.
How can Attachment-Informed EMDR help me?
Healing from Early Trauma: Attachment-informed EMDR helps individuals heal from the emotional wounds caused by early attachment disruptions, such as neglect, abandonment, or abuse.
Improved Relationships: By addressing underlying attachment wounds, clients often experience improvements in their relationships with others, including more trust, intimacy, and emotional connection.
Reduced Anxiety and Depression: Clients with insecure attachment styles often experience higher levels of anxiety and depression. Healing attachment wounds through EMDR can reduce these symptoms by addressing the root causes.
Enhanced Emotional Regulation: By processing the memories and beliefs related to attachment issues, clients can develop healthier ways of managing and expressing their emotions.
Who Can Benefit from Attachment-Informed EMDR?
Attachment-informed EMDR is particularly useful for individuals who:
Have a history of early trauma, especially related to caregivers (e.g., emotional neglect, abandonment, abuse).
Struggle with attachment-related issues, such as difficulty trusting others, fear of rejection, or difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Experience chronic emotional difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation, linked to early attachment wounds.
Are looking to improve their relationships, particularly in romantic partnerships or parent-child dynamics.
But I don’t have trauma? I had a good childhood!
None of this therapy is about blame or pointing fingers. Sometimes people have made mistakes in the past which may have impacted us. We can have a good childhood and be close to our parents but still have an attachment wound.
As Mark Bryane likes to say, it is not the rupture that is the issue, it is the absence of repair that can be the problem. Attachment means that as children we are more likely to internalise blame and shame around something, as opposed to understanding that perhaps our parents were just struggling at that particular time.
As humans, we will put our attachment link to a significant other(s) above our own safety and we do not want to threaten that. This is why even as adults, leaving a diffiuclt relationship can be so challenging for us depsite what people around us might be saying. It is why we might make excuses for that other person's behaviour to others. We are just keeping that attachment link alive, but others may not see that and it can lead to us feeling blames for what we are doing.
As a client, there may be wider attachment wounds that you are experiencing. Race, gender, sexuality, neurodiversity, these are all areas that can lead to difficult early experiences for people.
Perhaps people call you a people pleaser. I think it is an amazing quality, but if we start to see it through the lens of survival we can explore how it was an adaptive coping response from early childhood. If we had a caregiver who perhaps was stressed and got angry, then “people pleasing” as child may have reduced and prevented those behaviours so no wonder you are doing this as an adult!
It is not something I would want to get rid of in therapy, I tell my clients that we can just turn it down a bit so there is balance. I always like to tell clients, that it is not what is wrong with you but what happened to you that is key.
This is just one example of an attachment-informed behaviour that people may be struggling with right now. People come to me because of how the past is impacting present situations. I can help to change that and improve the future.
If you would like to explore working with attachment-informed EMDR with a male therapist then go to my site and get in contact.
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